fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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