So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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