my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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