what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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