Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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