shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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