mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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