im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
