I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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