I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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