I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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