I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
