We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My balls are so social today.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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