Apparently you make a good broom.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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