things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
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I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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