capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
