is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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