3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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