i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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