chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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