haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
