Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
