we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
