I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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