No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.