btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?