just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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