Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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