Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
