using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
