i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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