Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
