you have to choose: penises or morals?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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