Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
