Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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