i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
