Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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