I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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