I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
