can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
