I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
