so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
