I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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