if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
