I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
