Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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