$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
