Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
