I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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