Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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