And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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