do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
