Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
