so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
