Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
