yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
