How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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