I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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