If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize