Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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