I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
