I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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