Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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